i am a proud pumping mom

i did borrow part of this post form another nicu mama but it is oh so true.

I am a pumping mom. I have been given the guilt trip by so many already that I'm not breastfeeding my child. If they only knew how much it hurt every single time someone said that to me. I was so very looking forward to breastfeeding my baby girl. I was hoping it would be the one thing that worked in the chaos of her birth and post-birth life. Sadly, it did not. We did before and after weight checks with her and she just does not gain any weight after breastfeeding. When she used to nurse and latch on but the transfer of milk is not happening at all. I have a great supply since the beginning of my breastfeeding/pumping experience. I tried, I did all they told me to do, it just wasn't happening for this mommy. I have cried, and cried, about this topic to no end! In fact, I'm crying right now just thinking about it!! You see, when you have a baby in the NICU, there are so very few things you can do for them. The one thing you are able to do is pump. You are encouraged by the neonatologist to pump b/c of the health benefits that your preemie baby needs, for her immune system that is basically non-existent. So, every 3 hours, I would pump. I as a pumping mom get milk in excess, filling freezers full, and pump around 50-70 oz a day. And so, for now, I am doing what I can to keep up with what my little girl needs. It isn't always easy, with the chaos of work and a husband needing me to do so much for them still. I hate after feeding Alexandrea having to put her down to pump, instead of just holding her, looking and adoring my sweet baby girl. But, I know it is best to pump then, after having that bonding time. It is our routine for now.


I read this article the other day. It is about a mom and her pumping. It is about the benefit of pumping and breast milk. It really brought tears to my eyes and made me want to love on Alexandrea even more than I already do. If you have time, check it out.
http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200903_omag_milk_bank/1

I know formula is not a bad thing. I don't have a problem feeding Alexandrea formula at all, . It has nothing to do with the fact of giving formula or not. It has more to do with giving of myself, my milk, that I love. I love that I can give to Alexandrea what I am able to give. I feel bad that I couldn't give her a safe environment until 40 weeks gestation. I feel bad that she got short-changed on her safe growing place. So, for now, I will continue to pump. I can't tell you how long it will last, but it does provide my daughter with nutrition and helping her immune system. It's the least I can do.

Now for one week I have continued to pump and give Alexandrea formula only too see if this has mad a difference in her taking her bottle, Some bottles she takes right down. Others feeds are horrible, like fingernails on a chalk board, so We will reintroduce breastmilk and hope she will gain weight appropriately. since nothing in has changed in how she takes her bottle She still screams

We also will be going to a feeding clinic to see if there if anythng they have to offer and give us ideas on what maybe going on with her

My freezer again is beginning to overflow with breastmilk. Come Monday or Tuesday, I will again pack an ice chest and send another load off to a milk bank. So somewhere out there, a baby will benefit from my breastmilk.




this is only a small part of my freezer stash, theres is twice as much in another freezer.