Saturday, March 28, 2009

i am a proud pumping mom

i did borrow part of this post form another nicu mama but it is oh so true.

I am a pumping mom. I have been given the guilt trip by so many already that I'm not breastfeeding my child. If they only knew how much it hurt every single time someone said that to me. I was so very looking forward to breastfeeding my baby girl. I was hoping it would be the one thing that worked in the chaos of her birth and post-birth life. Sadly, it did not. We did before and after weight checks with her and she just does not gain any weight after breastfeeding. When she used to nurse and latch on but the transfer of milk is not happening at all. I have a great supply since the beginning of my breastfeeding/pumping experience. I tried, I did all they told me to do, it just wasn't happening for this mommy. I have cried, and cried, about this topic to no end! In fact, I'm crying right now just thinking about it!! You see, when you have a baby in the NICU, there are so very few things you can do for them. The one thing you are able to do is pump. You are encouraged by the neonatologist to pump b/c of the health benefits that your preemie baby needs, for her immune system that is basically non-existent. So, every 3 hours, I would pump. I as a pumping mom get milk in excess, filling freezers full, and pump around 50-70 oz a day. And so, for now, I am doing what I can to keep up with what my little girl needs. It isn't always easy, with the chaos of work and a husband needing me to do so much for them still. I hate after feeding Alexandrea having to put her down to pump, instead of just holding her, looking and adoring my sweet baby girl. But, I know it is best to pump then, after having that bonding time. It is our routine for now.

I read this article the other day. It is about a mom and her pumping. It is about the benefit of pumping and breast milk. It really brought tears to my eyes and made me want to love on Alexandrea even more than I already do. If you have time, check it out.

I know formula is not a bad thing. I don't have a problem feeding Alexandrea formula at all, . It has nothing to do with the fact of giving formula or not. It has more to do with giving of myself, my milk, that I love. I love that I can give to Alexandrea what I am able to give. I feel bad that I couldn't give her a safe environment until 40 weeks gestation. I feel bad that she got short-changed on her safe growing place. So, for now, I will continue to pump. I can't tell you how long it will last, but it does provide my daughter with nutrition and helping her immune system. It's the least I can do.

Now for one week I have continued to pump and give Alexandrea formula only too see if this has mad a difference in her taking her bottle, Some bottles she takes right down. Others feeds are horrible, like fingernails on a chalk board, so We will reintroduce breastmilk and hope she will gain weight appropriately. since nothing in has changed in how she takes her bottle She still screams

We also will be going to a feeding clinic to see if there if anythng they have to offer and give us ideas on what maybe going on with her

My freezer again is beginning to overflow with breastmilk. Come Monday or Tuesday, I will again pack an ice chest and send another load off to a milk bank. So somewhere out there, a baby will benefit from my breastmilk.

this is only a small part of my freezer stash, theres is twice as much in another freezer.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Another day

it has been crazy busy over the last few days.
We ended up at the pedi office on sunday with Alexandrea. She has never been a super eater from day one. there always seems that there is something with her wether it be her gut issue in the begining, to time constraints (only allowed so long to eat while in nicu) before she was tube fed, to reflux , to now formula changes.

She has pretty much always been on neosure, a special formula for preemie babies added to my breastmilk. Well on sunday, i had enough feeds where it just seemed like the more i fed her the more she would scream and just want her paci instead. After some discussion, we decided it would be best for Alexandrea to try a new formula, We also stopped the breast milk for a few days to see it ths makes any difference

So please pray we can get this little one eating better and to suck down her botttles and feeding time becomes more enjoyable instead of such a hard time. Please also pray for weight gain as in the last 3 weeks , she has only gained 3 oz. (they are wandting 1 oz a day but would be happy with 1/2) she now weighs in at 7lbs 3 oz.

aslo guess what Alexandrea found ?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

St Patricks Day

hello all

This has been a hard week as I had to start back full time at work. The week was long. I did take a longer lunch so I could come home and see Alexandrea, She was full of smiles when I got home, which really made my day. She is staying home with her daddy ans sometimes goes to grandma's and papa's.

Tuesday night after eating dinner, I started not feeling so well and had caught the nasty stomach bug from somewhere. I ended up missing 2 days of work due to this. I was hoping and praying little Lexi would not get sick, but come wednesday afternoon when she was being fed, she started in, Who knew how much a baby could throw up, wow, what a mess. Lars did his best to console her but to no avail , she wanted her mama. She was up half the night on wed night and screamed if i put her down or passed her to lars . We ended up snuggling in bed almost all day on thursday, She loved this, We are both now feeling better and on the mend.

I do have to share a picture with everyone, On tuesday, when i did come home from work, I found Alexandrea in this. This shirt was given to us by a great friend Robyn and Fred Thanks guys, It is perfect!!! it said Kiss me I'm irish.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


Just a quick post
I was moving some things around and this was our in our garage, Lars polished it up
I had this as little girl for my dolls. I could not resist but to put her in and take a pic.

Got Milk?


Alexandrea is doing well, Although tiny she is just a good baby overall.
She pretty much refuses to nurse now and is completely on the bottle, So I am exclusivly pumping. I have been very fortunate to be bless with a great supply and have so much that I have even donated milk to the breast bank I have now donated 129.5 lbs , I have donated more in pounds now than I weigh.
Coworkers are amazed, I am now also thiner, than I was before I got pregnant, So with all this pumping I am melting away, not really but hey I just had to say it.

I don't think I really have talked about her sleeping, She is a great sleeper , she is pretty much sleeping though the night. Our biggest struggle though is her weight, she is just very slow to gain, so this also affects her sleep, We do have to feed her as we need her to gain weight so she really goes to bed aound 830 pm, but we do have to get her up around 10-11 pm for her last bottle, she then will sleep til 630-730 am. She only yet eats 2 to 2 1/2 oz every 2 1/2 -3 hours, we try and give her more but she tires and then spits more back up.

So please pray for Alexandrea to eat well and to be able to start taking more oz per feeding to help with the weight gain.
love to all

becky and lars

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

sleeping beauty

My little Alexandrea is now 4 months old (2 months adj), Wow where has the time gone? It seems like yesturday , we were spending our days in the NICU. Yesturday Alexandrea had to get her 4th RSV shot, she cried a little bit after but did realy well. After her shot we went by the NICU and saw some of her nurses and one of the dr's that took care of her. it was bitter sweet to be there. They wer all amazed how big she was, Oh Alexandrea is now 7lbs 1 oz.

We are starting to see more and more smiles to , it is rather cute , she still has no hair and we are debating what color her hair will be.

Here is a pic of our little sleeping beauty
almost got a full smile on camera, but my camera is just not fast enough